Intellects and Artists
by S.A.
(Tucson, Az)
The innate intellectual and artistic aspects of many people afflicted with the Bipolar Type 2 Disorder make it as difficult to diagnose as it is to accept the reality of the disease. Unlike the traditionally known Bipolar Disorder Type 1, whose manic episodes are evidently uncharacteristic of the personality, the yang energy of Bipolar 2 appears as a sort of new and improved state of being. Affecting a wide range of highly creative and intellectually potent people, the high end of Bipolar 2 can feel like a brainstorming majesty.
The yin energy, always on the flip side, can then devastate what appeared to be constructive talent and drive. While the oscillation of the two can mystify one's understanding of themselves, diagnoses is often just as challenging.
The manic episodes of Bipolar 2 are characterized as hypomania, hypo, meaning below, lower or at a lower point and mania, an abnormally elevated mental state, whose common expressions are being overly productive, confident or ambitious. These episodes can be analogous to a genius's episodes of brilliance. The seemingly advantageous qualities also come with a lack of sleep, racing thoughts, hyper agitation, and the tendency to engage in behavior that could have serious consequences. Although these less than desired qualities can many times be overlooked when productivity and ambition are at such a functional high. The inevitable return of yin energy can characteristically leave the great potential to abide.
Creating a residual confusion over the struggle for completion and success, the elemental lows of Bipolar 2 envelop the lone traveler like a whirlpool. Where moments of clarity, free of the clenching grip, are times to relish in deep clear breath, the cyclic uncertainty of silence always seems to loom below. While its reduced level of mania characterizes Bipolar Type 2, it is also characterized by the reoccurrence of depressive episodes. The increased need for sleep as well as tremendous lack of interest in daily to-do's is enough to confuse the same person who days, weeks or months earlier was in the middle of writing a thesis and feeling on top of the world; let alone the loss of physical and mental energy to question one's reality. Now, add to that, a decrease in not only intellectual capacity, but also memory.
Throughout the ten or so years that I experienced cycles of depression coupled with brief stints of what I thought was normalcy, I became curiously hesitant of my productive, creative, ambitious self. The recognition of the ultimate fall was subtle yet growing. And when all I could dream of was to remain in my state of 100%, its presence was almost a threat of being involuntarily back to struggling for 70%.
Once diagnosed, many Bipolar Type 2s will battle with the self-recalibration. Accustomed to a high production energy during hypomania episodes makes finding a new balance challenging. Learning to live your life out of a swinging trapeze when you have become accustomed to the wind in your hair and the sour feeling in your stomach can be like taking apart a puzzle you just worked on for years, knowing you will be putting it right back together again.
Many prominent historical artists and intellectuals were plagued with levels of Bipolar Disorder, Type 2 making up a majority of this genre. From Hemingway to van Gogh, their periods of elated production drove their creative goals and established their iconic nature, which many perceived as the artistic gift. Unfortunately, the rebounding thunder whose foresight is never known, was a cursed side effect of emotional turmoil that would ravage their personal and reputable professional lives. Because this two-faced malady inspired many of these artists and intellectuals to produce their life's repertoire, its diagnoses went by the wayside. Establishing historical tales of their fickle personalities and life events, it became a characteristic of who they were. And, although many did seek psychiatric help, continuing a medication regimen was tedious as their artistic temperament and lavish energy was stunted.
Founder of The Confessional Poetry Movement, American Poet, Robert Lowell writes, about his generation of feverishly brilliant, bruised and wrathful poets:
"I felt the jagged gash with which my contemporaries died."
With today's medical and statistical advances, it is now evident that the population of highly artistic and intelligent people, make up a large percentage of those experiencing Bipolar Disorder Type 2. However, because of the natural personality characteristic of achievement and creativity, episodes of hypomania may go unnoticed and depressive episodes highlighted. It is thus important that a person's natural tendencies of achievement and ambition be considered if mental balance is questioned.
Although I was an over-achiever academically, I was always a bit socially displaced, fearing summer camps and denying myself growth and enjoyment for lack of interest in having to connect. During high school, I was diagnosed with depression. This diagnoses however, lacked wholeness, as I continued to experience episodes of what I believed to by my real ability with opposite episodes of heavy depression. It was not until ten years later that I was diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder Type 2. Upon reading symptoms and others' life stories, I realized fit like a glove. I have struggled with understanding that my previous 100% was actually 150% and that these days 90% is good enough. I have felt anxious allowing myself to feel good and releasing the fear that an emotional and energetic crash is just around the corner. I remain an intelligent and creative person, with accepting my diagnoses and working with medical and alternative healers I can also be myself.
