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Kurt Cobain suicide noteKurt had carefully positioned the note so that it could be easily found by staking it to the top of a pile of potting soil. The Kurt Cobain suicide note tells us a lot about
bipolar suicides
in general.
Text of Kurt's suicide note
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. (Throughout the Kurt Cobain suicide note this is a recurring theme. Loss of pleasure in normally pleasurable events is a common and acute suicide risk factor.) For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! (Another theme throughout the note is the sense of loss - again this is a very typical and serious predictor of bipolar suicide.) I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. (Also typical are feelings of fear and anticipated loss. Kurt's anxiety and agitation are palpable. What suicidal people want is not death but escape from pain, and Kurt was agonized with anticipatory concerns for his daughter.) I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! (Kurt was not taking a mood stabilizer such as lithium and thus had no protection from mood swings or chronic depressive despair. Self-medicating as Kurt did just made things worse, with substance abuse being yet another of the acute risk factors.) I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.(This is the one place in the Kurt Cobain suicide note where there is any sign of a preventative factor. Having a child and concern for family is one of the known suicide inhibitors, but it seems Kurt is overwhelmed by the final risk factor - delusional guilt.) For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! Picture of the Kurt Cobain Suicide Note
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