My Bipolar Dad

by C.K.
(High School Student)

“That’s SO gay.” “You’re retarded.” “Are you bipolar or something?”

I used to make remarks such as these. One night my brother and I pulled ourselves away from our incessant laughing to join family dinner. Each other’s hyper spirits were contagious and elevated our moods. Not surprisingly, our parents were far from entertained. My dad grew frustrated as he sometimes does and instead of being considerate, my brother and I mocked him. Yet, what seemed like playful jeering to us was actually far from it—for different reasons than one might think. I responded to the situation with a laughing, “What are you bi-polar or something?” Not until a few months later would I realize why an awkward laugh and silence ensued from my parents.

On October 3rd, 2008 I came home from field hockey to a perplexing situation. A police car was pulling out of my driveway right as I was getting home. I walked into the kitchen and my mom was frantic. Her face was pale and red at the same time; her speaking both cheery and terrified; her temperament both soothing and angry. Laughing, she told me, “Dad is missing! He never came home from work yesterday, and today he left the house around noon and walked somewhere.” Her mien was one I had never seen before, and I had no idea whether to take the situation seriously or comically.

My mom went on to explain that Dad was having a manic bipolar episode and that he had suffered two others in his life. The phone rang and my mom started speaking to a police officer, giving more details for the missing person report she had filed. After this call, she contacted his credit card companies, looking to get information so she could track his spending. She learned that he had rented a car. My dad was finally found when he got in a car accident. The police officer said he was lucky to have survived.

I now see how mental health disorders are a part of many peoples lives. Before learning about my dad, I barely understood mental health issues and felt guilty about what to do around those who had them. But I spent hours Googling bipolar disorder, learning that, being a psychological disease, it was complicated beyond imagination. It was hard to believe a condition existed that drew connections to the fictional story, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. During an episode one does not possess judgment and does things he or she would typically never think of.

Writing that my dad has a mental health disorder is the oddest thing. The word "bipolaar" has such a negative stigma that it seems like a completely wrong classification, though it is the reality. No one would suspect that my dad was anything but an ordinary guy. When he started showing signs of going into an episode, his work colleagues thought he was doing drugs, when it was simply his bipolarity causing him to be irrational and have elated spirits.

Although my dad is still acting oddly to this day, watching his actions has brought me closer to him. I try to be considerate, and he appreciates it. When my mom and brother get frustrated with him, my dad tells me that I’m the one he can talk to and that he believes I understand him. As hard it is to see my dad continue to make comments he normally wouldn’t, I know that in time, this episode will be completely over and he will be back to normal. Till then, I will continue to converse with him and to appreciate both the intensity and the courage of his struggle.